I Don’t Have Time

When I hear: 'I don't have time', I take it as: 'I don't give priority'. 


For ex:
I am very busy, I don't have time to go for walk in the morning, 
I don't have time to watch that movie, 
I don't have time to meet friends and so-on. 
You can fill...I don't have time to...

I prefer to use: 'I don't give priority for it now' or 'I have not started it yet'; Rephrasing like this also helps to understand self and other's priorities and structure ourselves. 

How Coaching Works

Coaching is a co-creative conversation and journey between a Coach and the Coachee to realize the potential of Coachee and achieve what he desires to.

What does a Coachee desire? It can be ANYTHING which is not working for him/within him/he doesn't desire and he wants to move to a state where it is working for him/within him/he gets it. 

GOALS or CHALLENGES FOR COACHING:
What this ANYTHING can be? Here are few examples:

1. I amn't able to manage my time.
2. I feel stressed out, unclear of my goals. Not able to prioritize.
3. I amn't sure whether I want to continue this job or start my business.
4. I Want to spend time with my daughter, but, held up with my work.
5. I want to go to arts class, but, held up with my business due to financial commitments.
6. I am pro-active and working as CEO, but, not able to get into a director's role.
7. I am scared of going for long drives, but, I want to travel places in my car.
8. I want to reduce my weight, but, nothing seems to work. etc.

BENEFITS OF COACHING:

As the conversation progresses, it creates clarity about goal and the issues by addressing it in terms of the root cause, impact, severity, complexity, blockers, rigidity and so-on. With this clarity emerging on the goal from various dimensions, new possibilities open up for action, which weren't evident earlier. The Coach would continue to help the Coachee build this solution, again by checking it to ensure that  it is realistic, meaningful, workable and so-on. At the end, the Coachee would realize his own potential to handle the issue and realize the possibility. There comes a new shift in the perspective of the Coachee. So, even after the coaching ends, Coachee is left powerful and he can carry it to the other areas of his life. 

COACH's SKILLS:

In a coaching, the Coach and Coachee will have a co-creative conversation, where Coach

1. Explores the issue from various angles, giving Coachee various perspectives; 
2. Bring awareness about various neglected or hidden or unseen things within the context; 
3. Stand as a reflection for Coachee's thoughts, feelings and behavior and help to see himself; 
4. Listen to Coachee at superficial, belief, value, emotional levels and understand completely;
5. Make a reality check on Coachee's fantasy and help reshaping it.

A Coach is trained in questioning techniques, catching what we are ignoring, identifying the blindspots, listening skills, change cycles, belief system cycles, behavioral theories, noticing what's not said and so-on. 

A Coach isn't a mentor/consultant - who gives solutions based on his expertise. He isn't a therapist/counselor  - who helps you to address your past, not healed issues.

Sense to What Non-Sense!!

When we are in conversation with others, there comes a moment when we start thinking inside - "What non-sense is this guy talking!" or "He is so irritating" or "He is so silly" or "He is acting smart" and so-on...
This is the moment when the whole conversation has shifted from 'between two people' to 'within oneself'. This is the moment of judging the other. Judging means making an opinion about the other. Then it further continues on proving our view of the other than evaluating/listening.

When Something Goes Wrong

When something goes wrong, there is tendency to blame the 'person'. The 'person' here would be self or the other. When the blame is more often on the self, it results in 'self blame'/'self criticism' and feeling low about the self. When the blame is more often on the other/circumstance, it results in 'lack of responsibility'/'self righteous'.

Its a heavy feeling to blame/beat ourselves. And so is also being righteous. Though, on the surface we make ourselves to be righteous, feeling that something has gone wrong because of me is also unbearable. 

When an incident happens, there are 3 parameters which get involved in it: self, others and the circumstance. The outcome has to be measured in 3 angles: what was my participation in it, what was other's participation in it and what is circumstance's participation in it(context).

Looking in this way, with 3 lenses helps to assess the situation objectively. The 'self blame' / 'self righteous' pattern reduces. This in turn helps to learn from what's happened.

Separate the Person and ...

Note the difference between these statements: 

"You're creative" v/s "Your ideas are creative".  "You're wrong" v/s "Your point is wrong" or "Your work is wrong" 
"He is great" v/s "His work is great"
"You're right" v/s "Your point is right".
"He is an idiot" v/s "His idea is idiotic". 


The difference is the latter statement separates the wrongness/greatness/rightness of a work/point/idea/thought/work from the person. The person, invariably, remains as a person, an individual.

This leads us to be compassionate and empathetic, think and accept the person as an OK person, while his idea, thoughts, work is great/stupid/right/wrong/idiotic. It can be applied to a thief, where the person is OK, while the job isn't good. Same is for a great inventor, where the person is OK, while the invention is excellent. It also gives us an idea to punish/praise the task and not the person. Each person, invariably, is worthy of love and respect. 

Hence, comes the fundamental idea of I am OK, You're OK. 

We do it very obviously with the material things, like your car is slow, your house is beautiful, your shirt is nice and we won't say you're slow(referring to car), you're beautiful(referring to house) or you're nice(referring to shirt). As the material is physically separate, we separate the person from the material and comment. The same has to be carried on to person's thoughts, feelings and behavior.