Becoming or being a parent(father or mother) gives an opportunity to express unconditional love to the child - physically, emotionally and in thoughts. It is the GIVING experience. There is no condition on expressing or receiving of the love. The child wholeheartedly accepts and responds to the love. That is the opportunity a child brings by coming in one's life.The unconditional expression of love by the parent, its acceptance by the child, reciprocation by the child and finally the acceptance by the parent completes a cycle, bringing in a bundle of joy.
Does this whole cycle happen with the pet, yes! it does. Does this happen with the material things? No, it doesn't.
Consider expanding the same thought to the other close relationships, which we enjoy. These relationships do give an opportunity to express the love, which is accepted, reciprocated and which in turn we accept, all unconditionally. But, there is a significant difference between expressing the love to one's own child and to a grown up. With the child the love expressed is unconditional, it is a pure joy and a fulfilling experience. The moment of expression is devoid of any thoughts, doubts and conditions. In turn, the child guarantees an unconditional acceptance this love and leads to building a life long relationship. The cycle of expression of love by parent, its acceptance and reciprocation by the child and in turn its acceptance by the parent is complete. This isn't the same experience and expression with the grownups. In the grownups, it is not guaranteed whether this expression of love is unconditional, and if so, will it be accepted and reciprocated unconditionally? The answer gets revealed only after the relationship gets established over a period of time, with one or both risking their vulnerability for expressing and accepting the unconditional love and it works. All due credit to the human nature and the experience in growing years. By the time one becomes adult, the life experience brings lots of doubts, difference in the ways of expression/acceptance of love, fear of rejection etc...between the two human beings. Note that all these parameters are not there between the parent and the child. The child accepts the love howsoever you express. It doesn't have the language of love.
So, Love is all about unconditional expression. And the close relationship is all about the cycle of expression of unconditional love, its acceptance, its reciprocation and its acceptance by the 1st person.
The arrival of the child gets us in touch with this human capacity and ability to express unconditional love. The arrival of every new relation in our life also gives us this opportunity, but, with the caveat of vulnerability.
Extending this further, when a beloved departs us, either moving away to a different home, different place or thru death, we miss the opportunity of whole cycle to express unconditional love-its unconditional acceptance and reciprocation and final reception by us. Its broken, either gradually or suddenly. Hence, one goes thru sadness and pain, which is sometimes unbearable. It would take time to settle down by rearranging other relations and filling the void.
Friday, May 31, 2019
Monday, May 20, 2019
The Dragging Feeling of I Could Have Done It Differently!!
After an action/decision is taken and moved on, one gets into an internal conversation saying: "I wish, I could have done it differently". This conversation is not for the bigger or highly impacted events, but for day-to-day, smaller things like: "I could have taken that bus instead of waiting for auto", "I could have written the response differently", "I could have taken a day's leave", "I could have eaten curd rice instead of chapati" and so-on.
There is a difference in
1. Learning from our past deeds and adding to our experience.
2. Doing an internal exploration to create greater awareness about ourselves.
3. And dwelling into an almost always, auto conversation of - "Instead, I could have done...".
While the 1st and 2nd gives an opportunity for learning, self understanding, the 3rd is simply an internal, often automatic conversation. Of course, it doesn't help to change the past and nor is it helping to change the preset or future, thru learning.
Why does the other option, which was not chosen, becomes relevant and the point of internal conversation(automatic) in retrospect? Often it is an automatic response. By dwelling in the internal conversation of what other thing one could have done, the person
1. is avoiding and not reaping to the fullest, the outcome of the activity that was done/decision that was taken.
2. will be lingering and connected to the past like a rubber band, making the present journey a dragging one than a free flow.
The internal conversation gives an opportunity to the person to say to himself that you're incorrect then! While, what is important to notice is at the time of execution, one has executed a task with whatever clarity, dilemma, fears(of certainty or uncertainty), automatic behaviors, mood, wishes one has. It was, what it was and the best available option and hence it was executed. It would be helpful, if one sees the decisions/actions taken in that context in which the one was.
How about moving on with whatever the outcome the activity or the decision has given? This brings in a lot of attention to whats happening now and makes the journey a free flow than feeling like a drag.
There is a difference in
1. Learning from our past deeds and adding to our experience.
2. Doing an internal exploration to create greater awareness about ourselves.
3. And dwelling into an almost always, auto conversation of - "Instead, I could have done...".
While the 1st and 2nd gives an opportunity for learning, self understanding, the 3rd is simply an internal, often automatic conversation. Of course, it doesn't help to change the past and nor is it helping to change the preset or future, thru learning.
Why does the other option, which was not chosen, becomes relevant and the point of internal conversation(automatic) in retrospect? Often it is an automatic response. By dwelling in the internal conversation of what other thing one could have done, the person
1. is avoiding and not reaping to the fullest, the outcome of the activity that was done/decision that was taken.
2. will be lingering and connected to the past like a rubber band, making the present journey a dragging one than a free flow.
The internal conversation gives an opportunity to the person to say to himself that you're incorrect then! While, what is important to notice is at the time of execution, one has executed a task with whatever clarity, dilemma, fears(of certainty or uncertainty), automatic behaviors, mood, wishes one has. It was, what it was and the best available option and hence it was executed. It would be helpful, if one sees the decisions/actions taken in that context in which the one was.
How about moving on with whatever the outcome the activity or the decision has given? This brings in a lot of attention to whats happening now and makes the journey a free flow than feeling like a drag.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)