In high school, college or office, while someone is leaving, a send-off is arranged. Same is true, when one's returning and the relatives/friends arrive till bus-stop/station to see you off. Though this has come as a standard practice, these were opportunities to reflect, grieve and complete our thoughts, emotions about the current setup, from which one is separating.
This is applicable to everything that we separate from as in starting of the school for the children, waking them up in the morning, changing their food habits, anyone changing a routine, becoming dad/mom, becoming a Project Manager from Lead, from service to starting a business. Some changes are small, some are big and very impactful as in separation thru death, divorce, re-locating. They are in various categories: job, location, relations, roles, education, friends, traffic, culture and so-on.
When a change is about to begin, we need to complete the current setup. All that is required is to understand that we are getting into a change, reflect, grieve and complete about it in thoughts and emotions. Sometime this would take a small time, sometime long time. Thats why we say 'Time will heal everything'.
Tuesday, September 25, 2018
Sunday, September 16, 2018
Difference Between Guilt and Shame
The difference between Guilt and Shame.
Guilt: something wrong at DOING level, the deeds.
Shame: something wrong at BEING level, which is at the whole as a person.
Ex: When someone says ‘I am ashamed of myself/you’. It is pointing to the whole person.
And when someone says ‘I am/you’re guilty of having done it’ then it’s pointing at task level
Guilt: something wrong at DOING level, the deeds.
Shame: something wrong at BEING level, which is at the whole as a person.
Ex: When someone says ‘I am ashamed of myself/you’. It is pointing to the whole person.
And when someone says ‘I am/you’re guilty of having done it’ then it’s pointing at task level
For the Love of Facebook/Whatsapp
A person visits FB for :
1. To see how many likes have come for the post.
2. To see if there is an intellectually stimulating post - A funny video, a naughty comment, updates of friends, political news, some awesome/awestruck videos/events. Will the same recognition/stimulation come when I am travelling in a train/bus, attending a marriage function, at home with family, sitting in loo, eating, working in office, while talking to someone, out for a tea break....? No. So, why to take my attention out of FB/Whatsapp?
Every human being has 2 basic(survival) hungers: Stimulation Hunger, Recognition Hunger. FB/Whatsapp fulfills these 2 hungers. Its like yummy food! As usual, the hunger will re-appear after a period of time and so he re-visits the FB/Whatsapp. Same is case with children, who seek lots of stimulation, as they are creative beings and so are fascinated to videos. This is a natural phenomenon. This was true for earlier days also. Then Mahabharatha gave the highest stimulation and hence, all the streets were empty for that 1 hour on Sunday. The physical games gave the stimulation than studies and so we were in grounds. Today FB/Whatsapp are giving more stimulation and in an easy way than sports/games. Easier for parents to handle children thru mobile than otherwise.
A suggestion in an article can't create a solution, which could fulfill our hungers in a healthy way. Its a journey of restructuring our lifestyles, which will take time evolve.
1. To see how many likes have come for the post.
2. To see if there is an intellectually stimulating post - A funny video, a naughty comment, updates of friends, political news, some awesome/awestruck videos/events. Will the same recognition/stimulation come when I am travelling in a train/bus, attending a marriage function, at home with family, sitting in loo, eating, working in office, while talking to someone, out for a tea break....? No. So, why to take my attention out of FB/Whatsapp?
Every human being has 2 basic(survival) hungers: Stimulation Hunger, Recognition Hunger. FB/Whatsapp fulfills these 2 hungers. Its like yummy food! As usual, the hunger will re-appear after a period of time and so he re-visits the FB/Whatsapp. Same is case with children, who seek lots of stimulation, as they are creative beings and so are fascinated to videos. This is a natural phenomenon. This was true for earlier days also. Then Mahabharatha gave the highest stimulation and hence, all the streets were empty for that 1 hour on Sunday. The physical games gave the stimulation than studies and so we were in grounds. Today FB/Whatsapp are giving more stimulation and in an easy way than sports/games. Easier for parents to handle children thru mobile than otherwise.
A suggestion in an article can't create a solution, which could fulfill our hungers in a healthy way. Its a journey of restructuring our lifestyles, which will take time evolve.
Difference Between "Fun" and "Happiness"
Don't mix FUN and HAPPINESS.
We hear the statement: 'Have fun', 'Be Happy'.
We don't get to hear: 'Have Happy', 'Be Fun'!
Why?
'coz, FUN is something one can HAVE, like HAVING meals. It comes from external things like music, party, cinema, jokes, games etc. So, one can pay and get it, if required.
HAPPINESS is something one can BE. You can't HAVE it! It is INFLUENCED by several external factors like fun, spouse, job, boss, finance, circumstances etc. One can choose or let be influenced by the external factors. For ex: When I have lost a loved one, I don't want to BE HAPPY. I let the circumstance influence me. However, if I am letting every other circumstance influence me, I would spend much of my life being NOT HAPPY.
So, FUN may give HAPPINESS, but, it exclusively doesn't mean HAPPINESS.
Monday, September 10, 2018
LGBT and Social Impact
The legal approval of LGBT has huge cultural, emotional impact. Adopting babies not for the reasons of infertility, growth of children with parents are of same sex, sharing of family responsibilities between the couples, for the elders it’s son and son-in-law or daughter and daughter-in-law, divorce between them, men-men and women-women emotional problems!
It’s quite a long journey and generation’s futuristic view. The impact will gradually be on all the fields - education, jobs, medical etc. As the untouchability, caste discrimination vanished, and inter caste/inter religion marriages were accepted, so would these be. When we get old, we will say: “In our times these were taboos, now it’s all accepted!”.
The fields of human study in terms of relationships would need lots of studies, research. This is a journey which would keep itself impacting previous and next generations. A society is a group and it has a group dynamic. There is a new role in this group dynamics. How the dynamics evolve no one can predict.
The popular husband-wife jokes will disappear and women won’t have to blame that partner don’t understand her and vice versa for men!
It’s quite a long journey and generation’s futuristic view. The impact will gradually be on all the fields - education, jobs, medical etc. As the untouchability, caste discrimination vanished, and inter caste/inter religion marriages were accepted, so would these be. When we get old, we will say: “In our times these were taboos, now it’s all accepted!”.
The fields of human study in terms of relationships would need lots of studies, research. This is a journey which would keep itself impacting previous and next generations. A society is a group and it has a group dynamic. There is a new role in this group dynamics. How the dynamics evolve no one can predict.
The popular husband-wife jokes will disappear and women won’t have to blame that partner don’t understand her and vice versa for men!
Tuesday, September 4, 2018
Whats My Opinion About Coachee?!
At the end of the coaching sessions, I usually get this question from the coachee: "What did you think about me, while going thru our session?"
My answer is: "I didn't think anything. All the while I was neutral. I didn't had any internal dialogues going on".That sounds a bit intriguing, weird, 'can't believe'...kinda answer.
However, that is the way that happens to me and happens in a typical coaching conversation. The moment a coaching conversation starts, I and coachee start navigating thru the issue that the coachee has bought for the coaching. All my attention would be on the 'coachee' and the issue . I'll not be in any internal dialogue of my own. If in case I get into my own internal dialogue, I am out of coaching conversation and my attention is not on the coachee.
In a coaching conversation, whatever coachee feels or thinks or experiences matters. It is not about what is right or wrong about the issue. If the dialogue is in that direction its getting judgmental. The conversation is about how coachee's thinking or feeling or experiencing is coming in his way of progress and success. What I feel or think doesn't matter and it doesn't arrive in a coaching conversation.
My answer is: "I didn't think anything. All the while I was neutral. I didn't had any internal dialogues going on".That sounds a bit intriguing, weird, 'can't believe'...kinda answer.
However, that is the way that happens to me and happens in a typical coaching conversation. The moment a coaching conversation starts, I and coachee start navigating thru the issue that the coachee has bought for the coaching. All my attention would be on the 'coachee' and the issue . I'll not be in any internal dialogue of my own. If in case I get into my own internal dialogue, I am out of coaching conversation and my attention is not on the coachee.
In a coaching conversation, whatever coachee feels or thinks or experiences matters. It is not about what is right or wrong about the issue. If the dialogue is in that direction its getting judgmental. The conversation is about how coachee's thinking or feeling or experiencing is coming in his way of progress and success. What I feel or think doesn't matter and it doesn't arrive in a coaching conversation.
Saturday, September 1, 2018
Coaching and Judgmental Voice
A coaching conversation is a co-creative journey with the coachee.
A good coach needs to have several qualities related to being objective, neutral and being non-judgmental. These are not something which one can apply on others, until one starts living them.
Its a journey to get on terms with these qualities. There are different ways to implement these. One of the easy way to come out of judging voice in oneself is here.
The saying goes: "We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their behavior". So, to come out of judgmental voice, reverse the saying. The moment a judging voice comes to awareness, check the intention of the judgement. The grip of judging loosens severely!!
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